Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sober January is a disaster.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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