I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
