i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
