I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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