u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
