He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
