Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dear god my vagina.
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