trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
