well you can't waste a boner
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
