What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.