I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We were destined to go to rehab together
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.