just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.