No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive