12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere