just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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