Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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