he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
pop tarts are not kleenex
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This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
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I wish there were birth control emojis
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE