I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring