i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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