On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
