Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
