i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
