Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
