I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
