thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot of him and a little penis
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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