Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
