Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
