The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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