If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
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I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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