I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
