now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
