i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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