Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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