Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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