She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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