is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
