thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
