i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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