his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
