Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
