so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
