Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
