Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
