the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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