Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
