Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
