wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
