i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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