He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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