I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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