Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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