proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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