I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
