FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
