Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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