I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
