this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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