it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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