My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
