Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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