so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
