hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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