I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize