Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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