just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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