I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
