i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
