Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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