Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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