Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
