when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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