There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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