Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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