I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
