Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
