I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
