so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
