Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
